Settle Down
Listening to Love Stories & Creating Sacred Ceremonies
A pastor and his wife wrote a book about marriage, and one story changed my approach to counseling sessions. They invited couples who were preparing for marriage to their home for their first premarital counseling session, which began with dinner. In the invitation, the pastor intentionally gave the wrong directions to his house (this was before GPS or Google Maps). He wanted to see how the couple handled challenges in their relationship, which could provide a potential topic for discussion later that evening. While I disagreed with his decision to send incorrect directions, I loved the practice of welcoming couples into their home for dinner and table fellowship. I began incorporating that practice into my final session with couples.
In my faith tradition, pastors are required to lead three premarital counseling sessions with a couple before officiating their wedding. The goal of the first session is to determine whether there is a good fit between the officiant and the couple. I usually meet couples at a coffee shop, in my office, or over the phone so we can get to know one another.
For the final session, my husband and I host the couple in our home, sharing dinner and conversation as we plan the ceremony. Over the years, our family has enjoyed many such meals with couples gathered around our dining room table. Of all three sessions, I have learned the most about a couple during that meal, far more than I learn during the first two sessions.
During dinner with Tyler Thomas and Sarahbeth, we listened to their camping stories and to their creative approach to handling disputes. Whenever they disagree, they combine their love for sports and their competitive nature by playing a friendly game. After the final hole on a putt-putt course or the last frame at the bowling alley, the winner gets to make the final choice, and life goes on.
Years later, Mr. and Mrs. Thomas continue playing friendly games as they work through the daily decisions of parenting. Sarahbeth shared that not much has changed in how they resolve disagreements as they raise their son. Only now, a quick game of rock-paper-scissors decides who changes the kiddo’s dirty diaper or wipes macaroni and cheese from the walls.
One evening, while lingering at the table with musicians Justina and McHale, I listened as they shared how the songs they had created together had shaped their marriage. Later, I went back and listened to their music on Spotify. As I listened to their song Settle Down, I began to hear their love story woven through the lyrics. Justina was the wind, and McHale was the weather. Justina was the road, and McHale was the rider.
Although the third session remains my favorite, the second session invites deep reflection on the joys and struggles of marriage. During this hour, couples look beyond the wedding day to consider their lives together and explore practical tools and resources for their marriage journey.
Before this session, I assign a bit of homework. The couple is invited to share a new experience, something neither has done before. I encourage them to read The Road Back to You: An Enneagram Journey to Self-Discovery by Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile, volunteer with a nonprofit, take a pottery class, learn to fly-fish, or meet with a counselor to grow in their communication with each other.
Rachel and Aidan chose to volunteer at the Samaritan House in Charlotte, North Carolina. This nonprofit provides short-term housing for individuals recovering from hospital stays who lack permanent housing. They signed up to bring dinner one evening, preparing lasagna and serving it buffet-style. After everyone was served, they filled their own plates and sat down to share the meal with the guests.
Around that table, over shared food and stories, their hearts were opened, and their perspectives widened. As a future doctor and a lawyer, Rachel and Aidan felt the conversations that night offered insights that would undoubtedly shape how they would care for those they would serve in their future careers.
A couple I especially enjoyed getting to know was Taylor and Paul McKenna. Taylor is my husband’s first cousin, and we have always loved her spunky laugh and compassionate spirit. We met in their home for premarital counseling between family Christmas gatherings, and my husband, Reed, took Taylor and Paul on a guided fly-fishing trip in the Shenandoah Valley as their new-experience homework.
What is even more meaningful than meeting with the couples and weaving fly-fishing stories, putt-putt games, and song lyrics into a wedding meditation is the moment during the wedding ceremony when a couple hears their own story told back to them. Their faces soften, their nerves ease, and for a few sacred moments, they forget about the hundreds of eyes watching them. They remember the love that drew them first together, the grace that continues to sustain them, and the joy that carries them toward all that lies ahead.
In the same way, I have treasured how the wedding ceremony offers a sacred moment not only for couples, but also for their close friends and family members. In the ceremony, I notice a moment when hundreds of eyes are experiencing their own sacred moments. I imagine some remember standing before the officiant years ago, saying their vows. Some recall overcoming a challenge in their marriage; others wish for their own wedding day. In the stillness, the couple offers their guests a true gift of time in experiencing a treasured memory or a hopeful tomorrow.
After officiating weddings for over fifty couples, I still consider it a true gift to walk with individuals as they plan their wedding ceremony and prepare for their marriage journey. One of my greatest joys as a pastor is coming alongside them as their wedding day approaches. I love weaving their unique stories into personalized ceremonies, whether in a sanctuary or a vineyard, celebrating not just a day but a lifetime of love. I hope that every couple keeps love at the center of their marriage and lives out their love for God and each other for the world to see.
In May, McHale and Justina celebrated their fourth wedding anniversary along with McHale’s birthday. In the midst of these celebrations, McHale was diagnosed with an astrocytoma brain tumor. Although the tumor is benign, it is affecting his health. McHale has shared more about his health journey and his decision to proceed with surgery here. Our prayers and good vibes are with McHale and Justina as he undergoes brain surgery this Friday, June 5, 2026.
A few months ago, I updated my website, knowing a refresh was long overdue. I am thankful to Jessi at Silk Wheat Photography for her time and skill in capturing new professional headshots. Her welcoming presence and beautiful studio put me at ease from the first photo to the last.
My website offers space for the roles I hold as a writer and wedding officiant. It is a place I share mission stories and celebrate the love stories of couples whose wedding ceremonies I have had the honor of officiating. I look forward to what God will do next, and I am grateful for the opportunities to serve in the Shenandoah Valley, this beautiful place we call home.
Check out my website at www.aprilhcranford.com.
I hope you enjoy the summer months ahead with family and friends. May God lead, guide, and direct you toward opportunities to serve others along the way.
Serve and Love Well,
Rev. April H. Cranford
Polka dots for the win!
I really enjoyed this article and the pictures!